The value of validation

0

It’s a basic human need to want to feel significant, safe, important, understood and valued. We want to be and feel heard. It’s important to use this with your partner, children, friends, family and any other relationships in your life.

First, let’s understand what validation means. It’s accepting someone’s feeling. It is to really understand where they are coming from. When we validate someone, we acknowledge and accept their uniqueness and individuality. A big misconception is to think that if we validate someone, then they are going to think we completely agree with them. This is not true. It simply means you get them. You understand what they are feeling and saying. Invalidation is the opposite. It comes from a place of being right and judgmental. The person doesn’t feel close and connected to you. They feel shut down and disconnected.

It starts first with hearing and validating others. Often, we don’t learn this growing up, yet we have a need to experience feeling heard and validated. The good news is, it’s a skill we can learn. If there is conflict, it can be because walls of invalidation have been built. Ultimately, validation allows someone to feel safe and encouraged to express their feelings. It will build stronger and deeper connections.

Below are some steps to begin using validation immediately.

1. Work on your own judgments and feeling. Work through your own hurt and pain. Perhaps this is in the way of really connecting with others. Be in an accepting and open space.

2. Listen with your eyes, ears and body. Face the person and make eye contact. Notice your body language and if you are open to really hearing them. Be present with them. No texting, using your computer or doing something else while you are with them. Allow the person to safely share their thoughts and feelings without judgment or blame.

3. Mirror back what you heard. For example, “What I heard you say is ….” You are repeating or paraphrasing what you heard. You will notice someone nodding or saying, “Yes. Exactly.” They are feeling heard. This shows them we care and are in tune with them.

4. Use short phrases to show you understand. For instance, you might say any of these statements, “I can understand how you feel. It sounds like you are really feeling ____. It sounds like ____is really important to you. It makes sense how you feel.”

5. Don’t give advice. Most of us truly want to help others. We don’t know how to help. We start giving advice, as our parents did to us. If you just validate someone, they are able to work out their own emotional issues faster than if you give them advice.


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The value of validation

0

It’s a basic human need to want to feel significant, safe, important, understood and valued. We want to be and feel heard. It’s important to use this with your partner, children, friends, family and any other relationships in your life.

First, let’s understand what validation means. It’s accepting someone’s feeling. It is to really understand where they are coming from. When we validate someone, we acknowledge and accept their uniqueness and individuality. A big misconception is to think that if we validate someone, then they are going to think we completely agree with them. This is not true. It simply means you get them. You understand what they are feeling and saying. Invalidation is the opposite. It comes from a place of being right and judgmental. The person doesn’t feel close and connected to you. They feel shut down and disconnected.

It starts first with hearing and validating others. Often, we don’t learn this growing up, yet we have a need to experience feeling heard and validated. The good news is, it’s a skill we can learn. If there is conflict, it can be because walls of invalidation have been built. Ultimately, validation allows someone to feel safe and encouraged to express their feelings. It will build stronger and deeper connections.

Below are some steps to begin using validation immediately.

1. Work on your own judgments and feeling. Work through your own hurt and pain. Perhaps this is in the way of really connecting with others. Be in an accepting and open space.

2. Listen with your eyes, ears and body. Face the person and make eye contact. Notice your body language and if you are open to really hearing them. Be present with them. No texting, using your computer or doing something else while you are with them. Allow the person to safely share their thoughts and feelings without judgment or blame.

3. Mirror back what you heard. For example, “What I heard you say is ….” You are repeating or paraphrasing what you heard. You will notice someone nodding or saying, “Yes. Exactly.” They are feeling heard. This shows them we care and are in tune with them.

4. Use short phrases to show you understand. For instance, you might say any of these statements, “I can understand how you feel. It sounds like you are really feeling ____. It sounds like ____is really important to you. It makes sense how you feel.”

5. Don’t give advice. Most of us truly want to help others. We don’t know how to help. We start giving advice, as our parents did to us. If you just validate someone, they are able to work out their own emotional issues faster than if you give them advice.


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Stay CURRENT with our daily newsletter (M-F) and breaking news alerts delivered to your inbox for free!

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By submitting this form, you are consenting to receive marketing emails from: . You can revoke your consent to receive emails at any time by using the SafeUnsubscribe® link, found at the bottom of every email. Emails are serviced by Constant Contact
Share.

Current Morning Briefing Logo

Stay CURRENT with our daily newsletter (M-F) and breaking news alerts delivered to your inbox for free!

Select list(s) to subscribe to



By submitting this form, you are consenting to receive marketing emails from: . You can revoke your consent to receive emails at any time by using the SafeUnsubscribe® link, found at the bottom of every email. Emails are serviced by Constant Contact