What’s good about bad role models

0

If your kids’ childhood is anything like my kids’, it’s pretty nice. Nice schools, nice neighbors, nice friends, nice family . . . their world has been carefully designed and monitored by me and my husband to be as good as possible (as it should be.) But now and again, a rogue influence arrives in an unexpected package – a bad adult role model.

I’m not talking about something as horrible as a child abuser or predator here, just your garden variety bad example for being a grown-up. It can be quite a shock when your child has his or her first experience with one. After all, as good parents, we try to manipulate our children’s world to include as many good role models as we can. The vast majority of adults my kids have come in contact with in our area (at school, in camps, in stores, pretty much everywhere) have been so consistently pleasant, friendly and helpful to children as to be an invisible (but expected) backdrop in their lives. Sure, kids deal with other kids who are not always nice, but when they unexpectedly experience an adult who is thoughtless, rude, selfish or mean, their universe gets a little rocked.

Our first instinct is to remove this particular offender from our child’s life, which is often the best reaction. But with some issues, and when children reach a certain maturity level, the example a bad role model provides can be quite educational. How do people react to this person? How are they regarded? What effect might this have on their daily life? We can talk about these life lessons hypothetically until we’re blue in the face, but to see a living, breathing example of what not to do can be much more powerful.

Of course, we want to teach compassion and tolerance for difficult people. We can’t always know why anyone acts the way they do. The reality, however, is that not all adults turn out well. Those who routinely act poorly don’t deserve a free pass just because of their grown-up status. If we make excuses for their bad behavior because it’s uncomfortable to address or easier to gloss over, we tell our kids that what we consider important now – kindness, fairness, patience, etc. – can be considered negotiable when they’re older.

Bus drivers, teachers, coaches, relatives – lots of adults float in and out of our kids’ lives, and not all of them are great. But bad role models can serve a purpose, too. They’re part of the “real world” that we’re sending our kids into, and they can provide valuable vicarious lessons if we let them.


Current Morning Briefing Logo

Stay CURRENT with our daily newsletter (M-F) and breaking news alerts delivered to your inbox for free!

Select list(s) to subscribe to



By submitting this form, you are consenting to receive marketing emails from: . You can revoke your consent to receive emails at any time by using the SafeUnsubscribe® link, found at the bottom of every email. Emails are serviced by Constant Contact
Share.

Current Morning Briefing Logo

Stay CURRENT with our daily newsletter (M-F) and breaking news alerts delivered to your inbox for free!

Select list(s) to subscribe to



By submitting this form, you are consenting to receive marketing emails from: . You can revoke your consent to receive emails at any time by using the SafeUnsubscribe® link, found at the bottom of every email. Emails are serviced by Constant Contact