Growing problems

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I’m usually good at planning around big events. For example, I know not to schedule my once-every-five-year colonoscopy the week of the big neighborhood barbeque. I am careful not to sign up for blood tests if the fasting conflicts with the Thursday night meatloaf special at Cracker Barrel. And I’m smart enough to avoid being numbed-up for a filling on the same day I’m delivering a speech at Kiwanis.

 

But recently, as I made final preparations to attend my high school reunion inNew York, I realized I had failed to properly coordinate my barbershop appointment with my trip back east to see my old friends. I looked at the calendar and my dilemma was obvious. I knew I needed to get a haircut about two weeks before the event. Any sooner, and I’d look disheveled in all the photos. Any later, and it would be clear to my buddies that I got the trim just for the party. More importantly, I never look good right after a haircut. The magic number of days after a visit to the barbershop for me is 10. At that point, my hair is not too short, not too long. Your number may vary.

I called Buddy, my barber. I figured he’d handled problems like this before.

“As I look at my calendar, Dick, I think we can work this out so you’ll look good, but you’ll need to get in three haircuts before you leave town for your vacation. And you’ll need to have two appointments in the same week.”

“That’s crazy.”

“Hey, I’m a hairstylist, not a vacation planner. How about a little color for that gray?”

“If you touch up my hair right before I leave, everyone will notice. And if you don’t touch up my hair, it will look like I aged 50 years – which I did, of course. I just don’t want to make it that obvious.”

I wondered if any of my friends were thinking about the same thing. I called Bob to see if he could relate to the situation.

“Why are you asking me about this, Dick?”

“Because, Bob, you have held many high-power executive positions, oftentimes addressing huge audiences – so you had to look your best on those days. Why wouldn’t I ask you?”

“Because I am completely bald, that’s why.”

I’ve decided not to worry about this anymore. Only a narcissistic person would think he had to get a haircut exactly 10 days before leaving for a trip. Not only that, but I’ll be busy that week getting Botox injections.

 

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