Pawing through the coat closet the other day, I came across three gloves. Each was from a separate pair, and each was, for some strange reason, for the left hand. Three left gloves.
I buy a new pair of winter gloves every couple years because I habitually lose them. Correction, I lose one of them, the one for the right hand. That means the three I found in the closet are worthless.
I know better than to throw them away, however, because there is a law somewhere that says if you throw away one glove because you’ve lost the other, you will almost certainly find the other one a day later, usually on trash day five minutes after the truck has picked up your trash and chugged off down the street.
I’ve thought about this a lot, and wondered if there was something I could do to prevent glove loss in the future. When I was a little kid my mother fastened a string to each mitten and strung them through the sleeves of my coat. I never lost my mittens.
Okay for a kid, but I can’t imagine walking through the grocery store with my gloves flapping at the bottom of my sleeves. I couldn’t put them in my pockets either, since the string would pretty much pin my arms to my side. I’d have to ask people to put things in my cart.
“Excuse me sir, could you put that package of pork chops in my cart please?” And how would I pay the bill and unload the bags into my car? Or even drive?
I’d have to wear my gloves all the time or leave them dangling at the ends of my sleeve.
Then there is the humiliation when someone would remark, “Hey, look at the big kid with his mittens on a string.” I’m rethinking that.
I suppose I could put zippers on all my coat pockets. That way my gloves would be zipped tight with little chance of loss.
A workable idea, to be sure, but, hey, I can’t even remember to zip up my jacket half the time. No way would I remember my pockets.
Military officers don’t wear their gloves, they carry them in their left hand. This leaves the right hand free for saluting. Frankly, I never understood the reasoning behind having gloves that you never wore.
I did discover one thing. I always put my gloves in my right pocket. And I always lose my right glove.
So, starting tomorrow, I’m going to stuff my gloves into my left pocket. That way maybe I’ll start losing the left ones. That would leave right gloves to match up with those left ones in the closet.
