Opinion: He ate how many Big Macs?

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A Wisconsin man just ate his 30,000th Big Mac (more than one a day, for 50 years). Donald Gorsky lives in Milwaukee, which is unbelievable. No, not the Milwaukee part — the living part. Think about it: 30,000 Big Macs is the equivalent of 800 heads of lettuce, 523 pounds of cheese, 100 gallons of special sauce, 14 heads of cattle and several million sesame seeds. And he says he never gets sick. He has no known health issues, but he has surely created some unknown ones.

Every doctor in the nation would have predicted that Gorsky should have been in his McCoffin by now, but instead, a newspaper article about his feat claims he is healthy, robust and has actually fathered genetically viable children. And he broke four other records as well:

  • Most consecutive decades for one individual to surpass the recommended dietary allowance for saturated fat every day.
  • Person with the most clothing with special sauce stains.
  • The only person to order the exact same thing at the same McDonald’s for 50 years and get the wrong order 27,000 times.
  • First person to go on Weight Watchers and run out of points by 8:30 a.m. every day.

By the way, Gorsky also eats White Castles regularly, but he never mentions it because he knows it’s a disgusting habit and he’s trying to quit.

I have set some records myself. For example, every morning for 25 years, I have checked my cellphone for messages 12 or more times. This is a world record that I hold. Well, OK, I don’t actually hold that record: I am tied with 4 billion other people.

For my entire adult life, I have started my to-do list with the word EXERCISE followed by a little O that I fill in when I have completed that chore. I have never missed a day. Not actually exercising — just coloring in that little O.

By the way, when Gorsky was a prison guard in Milwaukee, the inmates rioted because they had been served Salisbury steak three days in a row.

Needless to say, he wasn’t very sympathetic.

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