Opinion: Long live coffee and debates

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I just read on AOL that coffee first thing in the morning is bad for you. Hard to believe, isn’t it?  No, not the coffee part — the fact I still have AOL. Apparently, you mess with your internal clock when you drink java on an empty stomach. That morning cup of joe can backfire and make you feel sleepier and grumpier. Has no one noticed this in 300 years?

Beneath that article was another medical finding, that women who keep quiet during an argument with their husbands are four times more likely to die from heart disease.

So, if I argue with my wife, I’m a boorish brute and a sexist. But if she wants to argue with me, she’ll live longer.

We have debated just about everything in our 39 years of marriage: How to eat popcorn; if it’s a good idea to nap in the middle of the day; how to load a dishwasher; and high flame or low for scrambled eggs. We once debated whether my mother knew how to raise children. I thought my mom had done a pretty good job, but Mary Ellen provided some very strong evidence to the contrary: Me!

I must not be a very good debater because I seem to lose the exchange, even if I have most facts in my favor. For example, I was pretty sure this past July was my wife’s 67th birthday, but she claimed she was only 66. I dug out her passport and birth certificate from our safe deposit box.

I tried to further bolster my position with this argument: “Mary Ellen, remember when we got married, we talked about there being a four-year difference in our age?”

“Oh, Dick, you’re living in the past. That was 38 years ago.”

I hope the two of us have many more heated discussions. I figure if she keeps arguing with me, she will stay healthy. And I’m still going to continue to drink huge amounts of coffee, even if it makes me sleepy and cantankerous.

I know you’re tempted to say, “Wouldn’t that be grounds for divorce?”

Thanks for beating me to it.

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