Opinion: All hail the hero

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What a week I had, friends! I was basically a hero on two separate occasions, thanks to my keen maternal and intuitive superpowers.

My first amazing feat was consoling a student actively vomiting in my classroom trashcan while simultaneously reviewing how the Declaration of Independence was nearly defeated. I know, right? I have gifts! Oscillating between “You’re OK, get it all up” and “Remember, the South wanted no mention of slavery,” I transfixed students with my dual message: “I care for you all like you were my own kids” and “Pay attention, this is important!” Of course, it might have been the barfing that was riveting their eyes to me, but still. I was a veritable Wonder Woman of the multitask.

My second foray into the world-saving business came a few days later. I stopped to offer help after watching a car drive straight into a metal railing. As I approached the vehicle, I saw the driver banging his steering wheel, clearly frustrated but seemingly unhurt. Another bystander and I shouted at the same time, “Are you alright?” The driver emerged from the smoking wreck, responded, “Yeah, I’m fine,” and then walked off. Just walked away. Perplexed and trusting my gut that something was wrong, I called 911 to relay the details (I make a terrible witness, BTW. The only thing I was positive about was that the car was red. Or maybe orange. Light brown?). That afternoon, I learned the red/orange/brown automobile had been stolen! I’d sensed a crime in play and interrupted grand larceny! Ka-pow!

So sleep easy, citizens of Indy Suburbia. You’ve got a real hero on your side.

Peace out.

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