Opinion: The Handyman’s Tale

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While waiting in the doctor’s office the other day, I picked up a copy of “Handyman Magazine.”

One story was what to do if your Gorilla Glue hardens in the tube, and there also was one on how to dig post holes in sandy soil. I read both of those carefully. After 40 years, Mary Ellen and I are always looking for something new to talk about. There was a three-page spread on “How to Cure a Sick Ceiling Fan.” What would the fan be complaining of? Periodic dizziness?

One piece was called “Best Advice for DIYers.” I thought it was going to be about how to successfully drink and drill at the same time. Then I discovered that a DIY is a Do-It-Yourselfer. Another entry was titled “How to Make a Hidden Cutting Board.” I can never find ours when we need it, so I decided to skip that kitchen improvement project. 

The best read was “Maintaining Your Chimney.” It contains a list of what you will need to do the job, stuff found around most houses. You need brushable crown sealer, chimney water repellent and a stainless steel chimney cap. I had all of that in the garage except for the brushable crown sealer, the chimney water repellent  and a stainless steel chimney cap. Another article began, “Trying to run fish tape through an insulated stud bay can be a nightmare.” You have to have a pretty dull imagination if this is what you have bad dreams about.

The regular monthly column is about making your own tools—a way to either save money or create a gadget not available in hardware stores. In this issue, the author showed how to take a long flexible, piece of tubing and attach a flashlight at the end for work in dark, hard-to-reach places, as in a do-it-yourself plumbing project. It was really a neat gizmo, but I ripped the page out and tossed it in the trash. My next colonoscopy is coming up in 2020 and with all the cost-cutting in medicine, the fewer doctors who know about this, the better.

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