Infomercials have gone south


Infomercials have gotten dumber.

Think back to those boring nights of winters past when you flipped through channels and paused briefly on an enthusiastic salesman pressuring you to pick up the phone and dial the number on the screen.

There were all those OxyClean commercials. While Billy Mays may have put a bit too much emphasis on how incredible the product was (has nobody heard of bleach?), it was at least something useful.

What about way back in the day when Zoobooks were everywhere? For some reason, kids like learning about animals. I remember settling for flipping through copies at the library, scanning the glossy pages in awe. Those magazines made learning kind of fun. And they’re still around (my little sister brought one home from school the other day), just without the constant advertising.

Then there were Snuggies. I think that’s when all infomercials bowed down, let those goofy sleeved blankets take center stage, and just stopped trying.

Snuggies look stupid. They really do. But they’re also pretty awesome. A warm fleece blanket with mobility. Can’t beat that.

Since then, infomercials have gotten progressively more ridiculous. Take the Booty Pop, for example. Yes, that’s really what it’s called. It’s the equivalent of a padded bra for your hindquarters.

Why, you may ask? I haven’t a clue.

Oh, and what about Pajama Pants? Denim on the outside, cotton on the inside. No joke. And the women advertising them actually insist that they’re acceptable to wear in public!

They’re essentially pajama-lined jeggings. Seriously. If you’re so lazy that you shy away from the idea of putting real pants on, just go back to bed. Don’t bother showing up anywhere with those on.

What’s next, TV? Fake abs? Slipper shoes? I’m not sure.

In the meantime, though, while we all wait for the next pointless ad to run on television, we can curl up on the couch in our Snuggies, snacking on veggies we cut with our Slap Chop, proudly donning Bumpits in our hair.

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