Opinion: My husband has manopause

0

Remember my last article about how my husband Doo has been getting on my nerves with his rising early and going to bed well ahead of his normal schedule? If I hadn’t hit my obscenely-low word limit (a travesty, in my opinion; greatness cannot be expressed in a mere 450 words!), I would have regaled you with even more stories of unusual behavior. His attempt to simultaneously participate in P-90X and T-25, two intense at-home fitness programs, for example, is driving me absolutely bonkers! (Of course you’re sore and fatigued, my darling, you just did two hours of plyometrics!) He’s also been having frequent mini-tantrums over the amount of chauffeuring and carpooling he’s been asked to do. “When is it my time?” he complains as he stomps his feet. “I’m sick of having my life revolve around the kids!” he whines, as he throws his hands into the air. “I’m done!” he hurumphs, as he collapses into the armchair. I’m living with a five-year old Jack LaLanne!

Luckily, we’ve finally diagnosed the problem. My beloved spouse is going through . . . Man-opause.  Can you believe it?  I wasn’t sure exactly what Man-opause was, so I looked it up.  Here’s what I found. “Man-opause is a serious, non-life threating condition that typically afflicts men in their forties. Sufferers usually experience discontentment with the status-quo, anxiety over the demands of middle-age, and an intense desire to buy a Porsche. Other symptoms may include planning vacations to tropical locations, picking fights with the wife over her awesome basketball team, and a sincere belief that wine is a recovery drink.” Yep, that’s my Doo. I read on.

“Though incurable, symptoms of Man-opause can be alleviated by a periodic venting of emotion and lots of there-there’s from the spouse. Do not, however, under any circumstances, point out the immature or selfish behavior to said sufferer. This technique is a scam cooked up by Hollywood producers and pharmaceutical companies to incite panic in suburbia. Instead, try a more holistic approach. Though not yet approved by the FDA for use on male adults, one promising procedure has its roots in a technique used with tantrum-throwing toddlers: Parents of small children simply step over the child and walk away. Initial trials with Man-pausal men using a similar approach are encouraging. Acknowledgement of his concerns demonstrate love, while time alone allows for thoughtful reflection and regrouping.” I can do that!

There is a chance that Doo will outgrow his Man-opause, but regardless, at least now we have answers. Life can return to normal! Peace out.


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Opinion: My husband has manopause

0

Remember my last article about how my husband Doo has been getting on my nerves with his rising early and going to bed well ahead of his normal schedule? If I hadn’t hit my obscenely-low word limit (a travesty, in my opinion; greatness cannot be expressed in a mere 450 words!), I would have regaled you with even more stories of unusual behavior. His attempt to simultaneously participate in P-90X and T-25, two intense at-home fitness programs, for example, is driving me absolutely bonkers! (Of course you’re sore and fatigued, my darling, you just did two hours of plyometrics!) He’s also been having frequent mini-tantrums over the amount of chauffeuring and carpooling he’s been asked to do. “When is it my time?” he complains as he stomps his feet. “I’m sick of having my life revolve around the kids!” he whines, as he throws his hands into the air. “I’m done!” he hurumphs, as he collapses into the armchair. I’m living with a five-year old Jack LaLanne!

Luckily, we’ve finally diagnosed the problem. My beloved spouse is going through . . . Man-opause.  Can you believe it?  I wasn’t sure exactly what Man-opause was, so I looked it up.  Here’s what I found. “Man-opause is a serious, non-life threating condition that typically afflicts men in their forties. Sufferers usually experience discontentment with the status-quo, anxiety over the demands of middle-age, and an intense desire to buy a Porsche. Other symptoms may include planning vacations to tropical locations, picking fights with the wife over her awesome basketball team, and a sincere belief that wine is a recovery drink.” Yep, that’s my Doo. I read on.

“Though incurable, symptoms of Man-opause can be alleviated by a periodic venting of emotion and lots of there-there’s from the spouse. Do not, however, under any circumstances, point out the immature or selfish behavior to said sufferer. This technique is a scam cooked up by Hollywood producers and pharmaceutical companies to incite panic in suburbia. Instead, try a more holistic approach. Though not yet approved by the FDA for use on male adults, one promising procedure has its roots in a technique used with tantrum-throwing toddlers: Parents of small children simply step over the child and walk away. Initial trials with Man-pausal men using a similar approach are encouraging. Acknowledgement of his concerns demonstrate love, while time alone allows for thoughtful reflection and regrouping.” I can do that!

There is a chance that Doo will outgrow his Man-opause, but regardless, at least now we have answers. Life can return to normal! Peace out.


Current Morning Briefing Logo

Stay CURRENT with our daily newsletter (M-F) and breaking news alerts delivered to your inbox for free!

Select list(s) to subscribe to



By submitting this form, you are consenting to receive marketing emails from: Current Publishing, 30 S. Range Line Road, Carmel, IN, 46032, https://www.youarecurrent.com. You can revoke your consent to receive emails at any time by using the SafeUnsubscribe® link, found at the bottom of every email. Emails are serviced by Constant Contact
Share.

Opinion: My husband has manopause

0

Remember my last article about how my husband Doo has been getting on my nerves with his rising early and going to bed well ahead of his normal schedule? If I hadn’t hit my obscenely-low word limit (a travesty, in my opinion; greatness cannot be expressed in a mere 450 words!), I would have regaled you with even more stories of unusual behavior. His attempt to simultaneously participate in P-90X and T-25, two intense at-home fitness programs, for example, is driving me absolutely bonkers! (Of course you’re sore and fatigued, my darling, you just did two hours of plyometrics!) He’s also been having frequent mini-tantrums over the amount of chauffeuring and carpooling he’s been asked to do. “When is it my time?” he complains as he stomps his feet. “I’m sick of having my life revolve around the kids!” he whines, as he throws his hands into the air. “I’m done!” he hurumphs, as he collapses into the armchair. I’m living with a five-year old Jack LaLanne!

Luckily, we’ve finally diagnosed the problem. My beloved spouse is going through . . . Man-opause.  Can you believe it?  I wasn’t sure exactly what Man-opause was, so I looked it up.  Here’s what I found. “Man-opause is a serious, non-life threating condition that typically afflicts men in their forties. Sufferers usually experience discontentment with the status-quo, anxiety over the demands of middle-age, and an intense desire to buy a Porsche. Other symptoms may include planning vacations to tropical locations, picking fights with the wife over her awesome basketball team, and a sincere belief that wine is a recovery drink.” Yep, that’s my Doo. I read on.

“Though incurable, symptoms of Man-opause can be alleviated by a periodic venting of emotion and lots of there-there’s from the spouse. Do not, however, under any circumstances, point out the immature or selfish behavior to said sufferer. This technique is a scam cooked up by Hollywood producers and pharmaceutical companies to incite panic in suburbia. Instead, try a more holistic approach. Though not yet approved by the FDA for use on male adults, one promising procedure has its roots in a technique used with tantrum-throwing toddlers: Parents of small children simply step over the child and walk away. Initial trials with Man-pausal men using a similar approach are encouraging. Acknowledgement of his concerns demonstrate love, while time alone allows for thoughtful reflection and regrouping.” I can do that!

There is a chance that Doo will outgrow his Man-opause, but regardless, at least now we have answers. Life can return to normal! Peace out.


Current Morning Briefing Logo

Stay CURRENT with our daily newsletter (M-F) and breaking news alerts delivered to your inbox for free!

Select list(s) to subscribe to



By submitting this form, you are consenting to receive marketing emails from: Current Publishing, 30 S. Range Line Road, Carmel, IN, 46032, https://www.youarecurrent.com. You can revoke your consent to receive emails at any time by using the SafeUnsubscribe® link, found at the bottom of every email. Emails are serviced by Constant Contact
Share.