“It has always been my contention that a laundromat, not the singles bar, is the best place to meet your soulmate.”
That sentence above was written by me, back when I was still single and working as a freelance writer in 1980 for a magazine called “Living Single.” Here’s part of the column, as it appeared more than three decades ago. Is the column funny now? Was it even funny then? You tell me. Come to think of it, don’t tell me.
WASHED-UP RELATIONSHIPS
I propose the establishment of a new oasis of romance and intrigue: the laundro-bar!
Tired of washed-up relationships? Now, for the first time, men and women can let it all hang out and come clean in a safe atmosphere where one can talk freely. No spin. Well, except maybe at the very end.
Patrons entering the laundro-bar are seated at a washing machine. The ambience would stimulate snappy repartee about the “pressing issues” America is facing. Patrons who neglected to clean their pockets before loading their wash might discuss the shrinking American dollar.
“Hiya, sweetheart. How ya doin’ tonight?”
“Okay, but I’ve had a little too much to wash.”
“Loaded, huh?”
“Do you come here often?”
“A few times a week to catch up on the latest dirt.”
“I used to come more often, but I bought a second pair of socks. What are you drinking?”
“A Mai Tide. What are you drinking?”
“A Wash and Dry Martini.”
“CHEERS!”
“Say, baby, want to come over to my place for a little romance?”
“I can’t right now. I just checked the washing machine and I’m right in the middle of my______.
I’m so ashamed of that last line that I can’t even print it. I told my wife how embarrassed I was that I would write anything that juvenile, even 35 years ago. “Well that’s all changed now,” she told me.
“Because my writing has become more mature?”
“Heavens, no, Dick. You just aren’t embarrassed as easily.”
