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Opinion: A dry run

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I’m cured of my urinating-while-exercising problem! Thanks to my OB/GYN, I can now run without stopping at construction port-a-lets every 2 miles. And luckily for you, the appointment was the most entertaining, embarrassing hour of my adult life.

FYI, any visit to the Lady Parts Doctor requires great preparation. There’s a particularly high level of grooming that occurs, from perfectly-pedicured toes to a meticulously-made-up face. And of course, everything in between must be en pointe. For whatever reason, I completely neglected the aforementioned routine and showed up a hot mess. When the nurse told me to undress from the waist down, I was mortified. Did I mention I have a male physician? Who’s my age?

I commenced with the “He’s seen it all” mantra, but broke into a cold sweat when I caught a whiff of my recently-wearing-Sperry’s-without-socks feet. I forgot all of this the moment Doc walked in, though, because I then had to explain in excruciating detail my pee-jogging adventures. We discussed possible solutions and finally agreed to try a non-surgical device. Doc then opened a tacklebox full of what appeared to be medieval torture objects, selected one, and told me to “give it a whirl.” In privacy, thank God. So I jumped, danced, moved and grooved to see if I could wet myself. Miracle of miracles, the floor remained dry!

Step 2 proved more challenging. Try as I might, I just couldn’t remove the thing. So Doc returned, hilariously mimed the process, and left me again. This time, with a few Cirque du Soleil twists and a Hail Mary, I did it.

Cheers to me and my OB/GYN! And to diaper-free runs!

Peace out.


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