Opinion: There’s a (deleted) app for that

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Through the years, I’ve downloaded various apps to my cellphone, many of which I have seldom used. Here are a few that I have just deleted:

PlantSnap: When my wife and I take walks in our neighborhood nature preserve, we often wish we knew the names of the flora. With PlantSnap, I click a photo and in seconds the application reveals the plant or tree I am looking at. One night I was messing with the app in bed and accidentally snapped a photo of my toes. Apparently, I do not have a foot at end of my leg but a fine example of a Pleurotus cystidiosus — or for those uninitiated in the world of fungi, that’s an oyster mushroom. My left thumb was identified as a flower called Ledebouria mokibulanenisis. My middle finger is for this ridiculous app.

iBeer Free: Ninety-million people have downloaded this app. It turned my phone screen into a mug of beer, and I could simulate enjoying a nice, cold one any time I wanted. It had a natural-looking bubble effect with a realistic foam animation. Mary Ellen commented that when I used it, I got a little tipsy. She said I either needed to delete the app or have something to eat with my brew. I downloaded the iMunchies app to enjoy some virtual popcorn. We don’t go to the movies anymore because of COVID-19, so I have deleted it.

Carrr Matey: This helps me locate where I parked my car. I mark a treasure map on my phone, then a pirate’s voice directs me back to my vehicle. I deleted the app because losing the car is not a problem for me anymore. I’m retired and don’t go out much, so my car is always at my house. Unless I have had way too many iBeer drinks, I am really good at finding my garage.

Headspace: This application teaches you meditation and helps you doze off easily at night. It begins with this advice: “Breathe in, breathe out.” If you can’t do that, use your phone to call 911. I found the app soothing, but recently they added a lot of bells and whistles that kept me up all night. Hmmm, that came out different than I meant it. What I mean is, it got so complicated, I was up late every evening trying to figure it out. I just deleted the app, and now I’m sleeping like a baby, so not using it works even better.

I just touched my phone with my finger and the glass suddenly looked as if I had accidentally shattered it to bits. It’s a prank app called Crack My Screen.  I’m keeping that one.


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