Opinion: Reveling in cancel culture

0

Recently, I reread my 2019 column on surviving the holidays. Basically, it was the gold standard of sage advice: “Just say no,” “Expect the worst” and, alcoholically speaking, “Pace yourself.” But it occurred to me that this year, as we enter our 10th month of a pandemic, many of the chaos and stress-inducing factors of typical December madness will be, if not nonexistent, then at least substantially lessened. Which means, you’re already fully prepared!

Think about it. All the time-sucking, gift-giving, insipid social gatherings that drive us introverts to drink are canceled! No three-hour, off-key choir concerts, no awkward office parties and certainly no embarrassingly obnoxious family reunions. And even if a stupid-head decides to throw a subversive get-together, you’ve got a fool-proof declination excuse: “Test results pending.” Basically, the need for the first of the three aforementioned guidelines is null and void.

As for the second, puh-lease. If you haven’t learned by now that each month of 2020 can and will remain a complete disaster, then contact me immediately with the name of your dealer. “Expect the worst” has been my mantra since March, but I’m certainly open to some good, old-fashioned, opioid-induced naiveté.

Finally, I would bet my firstborn that many a liver have hardened substantially over the last year. Between teepee shortages, government-mandated quarantines and presidential shenanigans, most folks have been over-imbibing for quite awhile. I predict the next few weeks will be amateur hour, frankly, with nary a slurred “Merry Christmas” to be found. Pace yourself? More like, “Carry on.”

So, godspeed, friends, and remember to trust your training. I’ll see you on the other side.

Peace out.


Current Morning Briefing Logo

Stay CURRENT with our daily newsletter (M-F) and breaking news alerts delivered to your inbox for free!

Select list(s) to subscribe to



By submitting this form, you are consenting to receive marketing emails from: Current Publishing, 30 S. Range Line Road, Carmel, IN, 46032, https://www.youarecurrent.com. You can revoke your consent to receive emails at any time by using the SafeUnsubscribe® link, found at the bottom of every email. Emails are serviced by Constant Contact
Share.