Opinion: Spoiling for a fight (finally)


Longtime readers know that I am highly conflict adverse. I’m terribly uncomfortable with emotional displays, particularly anger, and avoid hard conversations like they’re large gatherings in 2020. But no more! My New Year’s resolution is to woman-up and learn to engage with friends and family in a healthy, productive manner when the proverbial poo hits the fan. Basically, I’m embracing “Fight Club.”

And I’ve started early. My husband Doo and I have been at each other for a few weeks. The stress of holidays, work and parenting four young adults has led to neither of us sleeping particularly well and numerous stupid but hurtful squabbles. Normally, I run for the hills (i.e., hide in my bedroom) at the first sign of an impending confrontation, but this time I decided to put my big-girl pants on and dive headfirst into the fray.

After 30 minutes of neither of us really hearing each other and both of us pretty upset, we hit the pause button. I was honest and told him I needed to cry (privately, of course!) and blow dry my hair (which was on the verge of becoming a frizzy monstrosity). I felt better afterward, and when Doo offered to run errands with me, I assumed we were good.

We were not. The next morning, Doo announced he was still mad, and I had to force myself once again to step into an argument. I was anxious and uncomfortable, and we didn’t entirely resolve the issue, but at least we are now on the same page. And more important, I did it!

So welcome, “Fight Club 2023.” I embrace thee!

Peace out.