Opinion: Driving us crazy

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Driving to the coast this summer? You’re in luck! Based on recent experience, I’ve developed a cost-benefit analysis of the various options. You’re welcome.

Like my youngest sister, your first choice might be the standard, “Leave Early in the Morning and Drive All Day.” On the plus-side, everyone gets a good night’s sleep and drivers are alert for the trip’s entirety. But on the negative, sticker charts and coloring books won’t distract toddlers for long, and the late afternoon traffic will have everyone in tears before arrival. Only opt for this route if you have access to a prep team with chilled wine.

My middle sister decided to split the 12-hour journey in two, driving roughly 60 percent on Friday and the remainder on Saturday. Benefits included significantly less lumbar pain, a decent amount of sleep, and pool time for her young teenagers who couldn’t possibly spend one more second on their phones. Of course, the downside was the cost of a hotel room and the dead battery she discovered at the onset of Day 2. Prep team, we’re gonna need more Chardonnay!

Doo and I elected last-minute to drive straight through the night. There was virtually no traffic, only one Cracker Barrel stop and markedly lower brattiness levels among our kids. But my eyes starting crossing around 1 a.m., Doo almost killed us outside of Asheville with his sleep-deprived impersonation of a Formula 1 racer, and our entire six-pack was on the verge of mutually assured destruction as we pulled up to the beach house that wouldn’t be available for another eight hours.

As you can see from this analysis, your best bet is to fly. Peace out.

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