The other side of the story

Dear Danielle,

Since your recent article, Seriously, Consider the Children!, hit the press on March 26, we have been having some serious discussions at my house regarding the difference between fact and opinion.  I am the mother of one of the “bully” players, and wife of one of the “jerk” coaches that annihilated your mild-mannered, good-sport church league basketball team . . . by one point.  And for the record, it should have been a 3-point win, but a post-buzzer shot for your team was counted – let’s call it home court advantage, but then again, that’s the way the entire game went down.

So, here is the one fact from your recent article that I can agree with:

(1)     Very few fouls are called in this church league, where our girls play.  We have teenaged referees, who do the best they can, but it is true – few fouls get called, and consequently, the kids play aggressively.

Now, for the pieces of information that were inaccurate, or perhaps conveniently left out of your article:

(1)    Height and aggressiveness of the players.

1. I did not measure the girls, but they seemed pretty evenly matched in height to me.
2. Regarding aggressiveness – BOTH teams played an aggressive, “scrappy,” game.  Few fouls were called – either way.  Danielle, really – you don’t lose a game to a bunch of “bullies” by “one point” if your team is not aggressive, too.

(2)    Our team was required to use wristbands to match up our third-grade girls with their defenders.

1. Your coaches insisted that this was a league rule, and that they use wristbands in every game.  The referee, a teenaged girl, who had been more than slightly influenced by your aggressive coaches, went along with them and enforced the use of wristbands.
2. As for our band of “bullies,” this was the first game where our team was even asked to use wristbands (we had played three previous games), and our girls were frazzled and upset to have to play by “kindergarten” rules.
3. In the game which immediately followed this one, your team played a different team, and I noticed that your team was NOT using wristbands.  Hmmm . . . .
4. My husband, Coach “Jerk,” followed up with the league officials, and learned that we had in fact been duped – the use of wristbands to match up players is not required for third grade girls.
5. So . . . who really cheated?  Perhaps your – shall we kindly say – “competitive” coaches were looking for an advantage against a strong team?

(3)    Regarding switching on defense – Coach “Jerk” followed up on this too, and guess what?  Switching is allowed, and even encouraged by the league.

1. Yet, throughout the game, your coaches, parents and fans yelled at our team for switching on defense – playing by league rules, as they had been all season.
2. Ultimately, through the aggressive influence of your coaches and fans, our referee did not allow switching – a legal tactic, per league rules.
3. Really, Danielle – your coaches bullied the referee, a teenaged girl, to play by a different set of rules, giving your team an unfair advantage vs. our crew of “bullies” that had been playing by the league rules all season.  Who were the bad sports?

(4)    And, regarding the major incident that you reported, where our player “literally threw” your player to the ground, and was “screaming at the ref,” I think you failed to mention a few important facts.

1. Our player – let’s call her Emily, and your player – let’s call her Molly, had been guarding each other throughout the game – playing aggressive ball – BOTH girls committing uncalled fouls.
2. When Emily shoved Molly, it was wrong, and my husband, Coach “Jerk,” supported and agreed with the referee’s call, and sat Emily on the bench for the remainder of the game.  (Did you conveniently forget this fact when you stated that our coach was “setting an example of disrespect and bullying”?)
3. You also failed to mention that Emily only shoved Molly after Molly smacked Emily in the face, which was not called.

i.      Emily was in the wrong for retaliating aggressively, and she did not go back into the game.  But no foul was called on Molly, and Molly was allowed to play the remainder of the game.

ii.      The reason Emily screamed at the ref was because she was upset that nothing was called on the other player, and she was the only one being punished.  Emily, let’s not forget – a third grade girl, said to the referee, “she hit me first!”

iii.      It’s a difference in perspective for sure, but my heart was breaking for Emily, because she was on an island, surrounded by adults, and felt that everyone was against her for paying Molly back for what, in her opinion, Molly had started.

1. Now for the biggie – the major piece of information you failed to mention in your recent one-sided article:  During this altercation on the floor, your head coach grabbed Emily – our player by the shoulders, got in her face, and told her, “that was not nice!”  And this is what prompted our other coach, “Jerk #2,” to step in, and have words with your coach.  “Jerk #2” referees basketball at a high school level, and was appalled at this behavior by an opposing coach.  Never, never, never should a coach lay his hands on a player – particularly another team’s player, and during a moment of confrontation at that!

(5)    Hand Shaking – all I can say to that is, “liar, liar pants on fire.”  Our team, including big bully Emily, and my husband, Coach “Jerk,” did shake hands with your team and coaches.  Our other coach, “Jerk #2,” wisely removed himself from the line-up, as he was still so disgusted and angry with your coach for grabbing and yelling at our player – his daughter.

So, Danielle, there are two sides to every story, and I want our story to be told, as well.  Be careful where you lay blame, and be careful who you “shame” – perhaps your own “good sport”  coaches who duped our team on the rules, bullied a teenaged referee, and laid hands on a third-grade girl should take a look at what they have done, and consider apologizing to the referee, the league, Emily, Coach “Jerk #2” and her family.

And you should apologize, as well.  Shame on you for publishing such a one-sided story about Third. Grade. Girls.

Peace out!

p.s. You were right about one more thing – my “Jerk” was a fan of yours . . . but he’s not any more.

 

Ann Youngman, 46060