I’m sitting in my “dining” room amidst what feels like a garage sale. To my right are a dresser from my son’s room and a fake bamboo tree from the front serves-no-purpose-whatsoever room. To my left, stacked high on a desk from the office, are throw pillows, a Deskjet printer, two lamps, picture frames, faux orchids, and six paint cans dripping varying shades of khaki.
From my vantage point, I can also see across to the family room where only a single couch remains, apart from a snoozing Labrador retriever and a discarded Carpi Sun. All walls are adorned with a minimum of seven swatches of paint. Curse you, new mattress!
But what’s an ultra-firm, king-size Beautyrest have to do with my home’s uncanny resemblance to a cluttered, poorly-showcased antique shop, you ask? Well Adoring Fan, let me explain. I call it the Home Improvement Effect. You begin with one small change in your décor and end up essentially ushering in an extreme makeover on the first floor. Take, for example, what happened when we finally upgraded our 20-plus-year-old hand-me-down mattress. The bed purchase lead to new sheets, which in turn had us thinking that it was probably time to get rid of the nasty, pet-stained odiferous-when-humid downstairs carpet. And if we’re replacing that, then shouldn’t we paint first so as not to possibly ruin the new flooring? After all, we’ve have been dreaming of non-yellow walls since the day we moved in, more than four years ago.
Of course, before we paint, we really should replace those five or six windows that have been ensuring Vectren a nice profit margin every winter, and also the front door which whistles on windy days. Don’t forget the garage roof! The ceiling in there won’t withstand another heavy downpour!
And so here I sit, amidst the chaos of an abode poised for total remodel. Carpet guys are due in less than 12 hours, followed by the roofer next week. The door will arrive mid-month, hopefully the same time as the painting is finished. We’re still waiting on the Pella estimate, but based on the speed with which we’ve spent our hard-earned money recently, we’ll have new windows by Thanksgiving.
Do we absolutely need to be doing any of this? Apart from the garage roof and maybe two of offending windows, no. But that’s the problem with the Home Improvement Effect. Once the momentum kicks in, there’s no going back. It’s a Lowe’s avalanche that can’t be stopped.
So we’ll muddle through the next few weeks amidst the junk piles, kaleidoscopic walls, and an assortment of work crews. All because of a stupid, but glorious, new mattress. At least I’m well-rested! Peace out.