Opinion: Murder-free summer?


Commentary by Danielle Wilson

Doo and I recently held a family meeting to hammer out the details for a homicide-free summer.  Our four children were invited to share their thoughts, and as expected, the biggest sticking point was over Xbox. Our boys argued that since it’s summer, they should be able to do whatever they want, including wasting weeks at a time sniping virtual zombies. We felt it might lead to serial killer status. Decision? Two hours max a day. Suck it up, kids!

Also in the plan, the reinstatement of the “I’m Bored Jar,”, a repository for the dollar fines handed out to anyone muttering any derivative of the word “boring.”  Proceeds will go to an end-of-summer Dairy Queen bonanza, and to prevent a “Bud Light Jar” phenomenon, the perp will be assigned some degrading task, like scrubbing the basement toilet with her toothbrush. Don’t mess with Mom!

And once again, to further enhance this summer’s salt mine experience, “Amish Day” will occur weekly. It was proposed unwittingly five years ago by our then 10-year old son who, at the aforementioned decision to limit electronic interaction, cried, “I’m not going all Amish!” Should have kept your mouth shut, Andrew, for you will indeed go Amish. No video games, computers, television or phones for one whole day. They must use their imaginations and find old-fashioned forms of amusement. It may not work, but their discomfort should prove highly entertaining. Mwah-ha-ha!

So the chore chart is up and rockin’, and the Forced Family Game night schedule (“you will have fun!”) is in full swing. We’re keeping our fingers crossed that our careful planning will result in a blissful summer vacation with minimum shanking. If not, at least I’ll have some solid article material! Peace out.