Opinion: Grocery survival guide


Commentary by Danielle Wilson

I pretty much live at Meijer. Six to seven gallons of milk a week, five boxes of cereal, two bunches of bananas … you get the picture. The point is, I have my grocery shopping down to a fine art. Many of you, however, do not. So here ya’ go.

  • Have a list. This is Grocery 101 here, people. A list won’t prevent you from buying things not on the list but will ensure you get everything that your family deemed important enough to actually write on the list. Doo’s deodorant, Maddie’s pencil sharpener, cat food, etc.,− essentials that you will definitely hear about if forgotten. Just do it!
  • I shouldn’t have to mention this, but I realize I am dealing with amateurs: Always park as close to a cart corral as possible. You’ll save time and energy during the cart-to-car transfer.
  • Only use the self-check line if 75 percent of your items are pre-packaged. You are not a professional cashier! You have not memorized the scan code for radicchio!
  • Never get in the check-out line behind women over the age of 30 (unless it’s me). Rather, shoot for male patrons. They purchase less, never use coupons and usually pay with cash. Men don’t want to be there, so they’re focused on a quick escape exit.
  • Organize your goods on the conveyor belt into these categories: cold/frozen products, boxed goods, cans/jars, produce and smooshables. This allows for an efficient bagging process and ensures that dairy and meat stay colder (Doo always teases me about this whenever I allow him to tag along, but just this weekend I had a cashier actually thank me for my anal retentive organization and confirm that this technique does in fact speed up check-out. Take that, Doo!).

Make me proud! Peace out.