As the official non-mayor of Camel, I am compelled by my non-oath of non-office to dispel pernicious rumors spread round about the city. There is no truth to the rumors that:
- The Ministry of Silly Sculptures proposed that the Carmel Drive-Range Line roundabout art be a debt clock.
- The Official Breakfast Cereal of Carmelaks is Cheerios.
- The city fathers have petitioned the U.S. Dept. of Transportation to rename I-465 “The Great Indianapolis Roundabout.”
- The new owners of two nearby casino and racetrack operations will refer to them as Casino and Horse Race Roundabout Facilities.
- The mayor prefers to be called “Mayor 007. Bond. James (Bond) Brainard.”
- Several miles of Carmel sidewalks are among the 30 most impressive ancient ruins in the world.
- The lobby of the proposed ritzy new hotel is the future site of the Farmers’ Market.
I’m ever-alert to exploding other myths. Stay tuned.
Bill Shaffer, Carmel