Opinion: Channeling the Colts, Bach and all kinds of rock


We recently changed cable services. Our new system allows me to talk to the remote, and magically the TV plays my choice. This is a huge advantage for me over the last set-up where, instead of talking to the remote, I told Mary Ellen what show I wanted to view  But then she would put on what she wanted to watch … and I had to go down to the basement. 

We have enjoyed watching old movies, but mostly we’ve watched music. It’s just like the old MTV, but there’s nothing to look at. It’s a blank screen. We get songs on several channels, each featuring a different genre, like R&B, hip-hop, reggae, soul, smooth jazz, rough jazz, heavy metal, light metal, hard rock, soft rock and sedimentary rock.

My wife hates having to explain everything we view on TV.

“Sorry, I had to go the bathroom, Mary Ellen. Did I miss anything?”

“Yes, you missed the beginning of Bach’s ‘Cello Concerto in D minor.’ And, no, I’m not going to hum it for you. And explaining music is very difficult.”

“Then let’s switch to Easy Listening.”

The music stations display ads in one corner and interesting facts about the song or the artist playing in the opposite corner. The advertisements on classical music stations are for reverse mortgages, life insurance and state-of-the-art catheters. The heavy-metal channels promote acne creams, tattoo parlors and drug-addiction centers.

Symphonies were written by musicians when they were youngsters. Impressive, but in all fairness, what else was there to do in the 1700s? No Internet, no iPhone 4G. Not even the 3G. The 13th-century French musician Léonin gained fame at Notre DameBut what did he play? French horn? Violin? Quarterback?

 I did some research myself:

  • Johann Sebastian Bach’s wife made him a sandwich to take to work every day and is credited with inventing the Bach’s lunch.
  • Beethoven was not deaf. He simply had heard enough already.
  • It wasn’t that Brahms didn’t like children — he just liked them better when they were sleeping. 

Mary Ellen said I could watch the Colts game this Sunday on our big TV. That was music to my ears.