February … am I right? As I was contemplating my weekly missive this morning, on the way to a dance competition mind you, it occurred to me that I’m not a huge fan of this month. Dreary weather, no sunshine, and the lamest holiday of the year, Valentine’s Day.
Seriously, Valentine’s Day ranks about 74th on my list of celebratory dates, right between Mammogram Awareness and the Ides of March. If I want an excuse to eat sea salt caramel hearts, I’ll just pretend I’m having a low-sodium moment and be done. No excruciating card-buying experience necessary.
Anyway, while these depressing thoughts are circulating, I glanced at my teenage daughter, who was simultaneously applying fake eyelashes and sneering. She was operating on 5 hours of sleep and no caffeine and was frustrated that I was making her wear a seat belt. The horror! I’m Mommie Dearest, apparently. Her attitude did not improve my take on February.
Naturally, then, I missed my exit, like I do every time I drive to this particular venue. You would think that after probably 18 trips during the last few years, I would know to head east on I-70 and not west. Even worse, Barb, my Google Maps voice, totally judged me afterward: “Recalculating route, you idiot!” Ugh.
February — this is all your fault! Yes, you bring Black History Month and great college basketball and a three-day weekend for some, but you are simply too cold and dark and boring, even during a leap year. And you turn my children into brats and impair brain functioning. No, February, I am not a fan.