Opinion: An eye on makeup


Serious question for you, folks: Why do I feel the need to apply eye makeup before I go for an all-day scuba class? Is it vanity? Insecurity? Habit? Let’s explore.

As any attuned longtime reader will know, I have the complexion of an eggshell and hair the exact shade of our late tabby, Ginger, may God rest her aloof soul. My slightly too-close-together eyes are pale green and occasionally appear light blue depending on my clothing color choice. More notably, my eyelashes are practically invisible, because they are short and a bland strawberry blonde. And don’t even get me started on my barely-there brows. The bottom line is, that with a naked face, I’m not going to be landing any Cover Girl natural beauty gigs.

Enter black liner and mascara, God’s gift to day-walking redheads everywhere and two things I rarely leave the house without. Even when I know I’ll be submerged in 11 feet of YMCA pool water for hours, learning to not die as I pretend that I’ve run out of air and have to locate my spare regulator, I can’t seem to avoid the sirens’ call of Bobbi Brown Granite Gel and L’Oréal Voluminous Original Formula. I just can’t.

Nor do I care that halfway through training, I’ll have rivulets of grayish makeup making star-patterns on a couple of very impressive under-eye smudges. Throw in a halo of orange frizzle, and I’m basically the love child of Carol Burnett and Alice Cooper. What’s really stupid is that I’m among strangers! Odds are, I’ll never, ever see these people again.

So, what gives? Vanity, insecurity, or habit? Probably all three.

Peace out.