It’s that time again, friends, when a major holiday throwdown is almost inevitable in my household. Will it be over tinsel? Perhaps, though 2022 is clearly marked as a year for the most glorious sparkly adornment ever created by man. No, my money’s on the tree itself. Real or fake?
Normally, we hold a forced-family outing to Ace or Lowe’s where we choose the tallest, fattest fir in the lot. My husband, Doo, will struggle to get it tied to the minivan, and I’ll nearly forget I have it atop the car when I pull into the garage, and then we’ll wrangle that sucker into the living room and pray to all that is holy that we won’t be yelling “timber!” or “fire!” anytime soon.
But last December, we headed overseas and decided on scaled-down decorations, including a 12-foot fake Frazier that came in seven separate parts, each of which folded up like an umbrella. I basically assembled it by myself, no fuss, no mess. A veritable Christmas miracle in my book, though everyone else immediately dubbed it “The Imposter” and accused me of essentially ruining their lives.
I suppose it’s no real surprise then that 5 of 6 Wilsons polled said there is no way on god’s green earth that my perfect plastic tannenbaum will ever see the light of day. I’d argue, of course, that a happy mom is a happy home, and that a little artificial foliage is a small price to pay for Yuletide peace and goodwill.
‘Tis the season for tinsel and tension, with a real-versus-fake tree throwdown clearly on the horizon. We shall see!