Opinion: Scary feeling about Halloween


Friends, I don’t know quite how this happened, but Halloween is nigh, and I am woefully unprepared. Normally by this week I would’ve had a yard full of electrical hazards, including but not limited to a dozen life-size animatronics, twice as many rigged extension cords, and at least a thousand orange twinkle lights that may or may not be for indoor use only. I would have already shocked myself a few times while attempting to upright a rain-soaked purple flood lamp and almost certainly knocked out power at least twice (this is what’s called, quite literally, “risking it for the biscuit,” and it’s non-negotiable when “the biscuit” means having the best decorated house in the neighborhood come October. Huzzah!).

But regular readers will recall that life has been a bit crazy lately. Our youngest daughter returned home after five months of backpacking across Europe, and I discovered that a mischievous rodent has been (continues to be?) living in my minivan. Add in a cough-due-to-cold and the unpleasant side effects of a combo flu shot and COVID-19 vaccine, and it’s really no wonder that I haven’t found the energy to fulfill my destiny as an amateur set designer, ala Tim Burton.

And it does take energy. I will probably spend 20-plus hours hauling stuff from our basement storage room of terror, arranging the macabre tableaus, and then reconfiguring everything after dumb Mother Nature summons gale force winds to throw Pennywise into Soul Sucker. It’s a constant cycle of prop upkeep and mild electrocutions.

Will I pull it off? Of course. I’m Danielle goshdarn Wilson, and Halloween is nigh. The biscuit must be attained!

Peace out.


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