Opinion: Still missing holiday missive

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Oh, friends, the New Year is upon us, and I find myself asking the age-old question, “Do I send a Christmas letter or not?” I’ve obviously missed the holiday card season, but I still want to subtly brag about my family using an inappropriate amount of exclamation points and exasperated mom commentary. And who wouldn’t love to get a 2023 Wilson Squad update in 2024? I’m funny, gosh darn it.

The problem is, the pressure to write a beautifully crafted, entertaining narrative that meets or exceeds previous annual missives is quite the challenge. First, I must give equally snarky coverage to each of our four young adult children (Twin B graduated from college! With a degree in French. Mon dieu! Six months later, Twin A did, too! Thank goodness. Seriously. Thank. Goodness. The youngest was a solo-backpacking goddess! Except when she experienced a devastating earthquake and scared the literal poo out of me. And the heir apparent passed his CPA exams! Finally. Now do our taxes, minions). Then, I need to include something about my bald and generally amusing husband, Doo (still works at the same place! Still occasionally hunts and skis! Still drives me bonkers! Ha! Ha!). And of course, no year-in-review would be complete without mentioning the dog (Libby lives on! Despite her obesity, arthritis and occasional allergic reactions to nature related. I mean, come on!).

All this needs to be done in less than 750 words so as not to bore the reader. I want them (need them?) reaching the end and sighing, “I love getting these Wilson family letters. Such a delightful joy on Martin Luther King Jr. Day!”

Peace out.

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