Opinion: Thanks for the memories – Part 1

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Every year about this time I look back at the previous 12 months and express appreciation for the people, places and things that have made their way into my weekly columns. So, thanks to:

  • My old roommate from college who called me after 55 years. He reminded me we hadn’t spoken in 55 years. I told him it was 57, if you count the two years we lived together.

  • My wife’s mother, Margaret, gave an original copy of the “The Joy of Cooking” to Mary Ellen to read. Not to cook anything, just to read. In the poultry and game chapter, here is a summary of its advice: “Draw out the entrails, cut the neck close to the body, remove the windpipe end then chop off the feet.” As you can tell, this book was also a big hit with serial killers.

  • My physical therapist, who helped me through rehab. For several months I was encouraged to do Kegels. There is a specialist for that at Community Hospital, but she was out one day, so I asked a question of another therapist who was not trained in the procedure.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Wolfsie, that’s a little over my head.”

“Then you are doing it wrong,” I told her.

  • The folks at the Sleep Center at Community Hospital, where I participated in a sleep study. They had lots of questions:

“Does your wife say you snore?”

“She has no idea because she sleeps in another room … maybe because I snore.”

“Mr. Wolfsie, then how do you know you snore?”

“I get a lot of complaints from the neighbors.”

  • My wife, who wanted to try a new Chinese restaurant, found one online and ordered the food. I called back because I wanted to know how long it would take to get there. “Where do you live?” I was asked.  I told him the northside of Indianapolis.

“Oh, about six hours. Sir, you are calling a Chinese restaurant in Canton, Ohio.”

“That’s OK,” I said. “I love Cantonese food.”

  • The researcher at Ohio State University found that the average couple kisses about 25,000 times in a marriage. Were we keeping up with the Joneses, the newlyweds down the street? I told Mary Ellen how beautiful she was, how good dinner was, and how hot she looked in her jeans. I was hoping that kissing up counted.

  • My brother-in-law, Tom, who gave me an Apple Watch for Christmas last year. I called him in Oregon and admitted I was overwhelmed by how complicated it was to operate. 

“Come on, Dick. You just think you are out of your league. Relax. Don’t be nervous. And don’t be intimidated like so many others have.”

“Tom, that is exactly the same advice you gave me when I married your sister.”

I’m not done. More next week.

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