I just turned 76, and I’ve decided it’s time people know who I really am. Here are just some of my peculiarities and idiosyncrasies. Email me the numbers you can relate to:
1. I prefer baked beans cold.
2. I buy two-piece pajama sets and give away the tops. I wear the bottoms with a T-shirt.
3. I always mix cereals, like corn flakes with puffed rice. In fact, I mix everything. I once mixed ketchup and mayo and I tried to tell people I invented Russian dressing. But George Santos beat me to it.
4. I like leftover Chinese food and I always eat it cold (sometimes with baked beans).
5. I always go to bed with my socks on. But in the morning, I can’t find them.
6. When I ask for a to-go box in a restaurant, three out of four times I leave without it.
7. I own 25 pairs of underwear, but I am compelled to do a load of wash when only six are in the laundry basket.
8. A USB plug has two sides, but it always takes me three times to get it to fit.
9. When I buy a rotisserie chicken, the smell in the car makes me crazy, so I eat the wings while driving. That’s why my steering wheel is always greasy.
10. My checkbook register must have even numbers in the “total” column. If I owe the gas company $94.17, I pay them $100. The next month I have a credit.
11. I drink beer from a wine glass. I never drink it directly from a bottle or can. I don’t like mugs, either.
12. Sometimes, I buy sinfully decadent items at fast-food drive-thrus, like an order of cheesy fries, then after a few bites I dump it out the window. That cuts fats and calories, but I always recycle the box.
13. If it’s cold enough to require a heavy winter coat, it doesn’t matter where I go: I forget to wear mine home.
14. When I put mayo on a sandwich, it’s applied to the top piece of bread. Mustard has to go on the bottom slice.
15. I found a photo in my basement of me interviewing the great Bob Hope. I have no memory of meeting him. That scares the heck out of me.
16. I always give the beggars on street corners or medians a couple of bucks. They may be scamming me, but I assume my life is easier than theirs. So, I’ll take that chance.
17. If my waitress has a pierced tongue, she gets a smaller tip. I lose my appetite and order less.
18. I have never been in therapy because I think I am totally normal.